Part V - The Rest of The Story

Sitting at the most ultimate of crossroads, I knew any decision I made was going to be life-altering. Where was I going to go?  Did I really want to do this? Was I capable of doing it? My friend had already offered for me to stay with her but I didn't want to impose.  I knew I was going to meet resistance and it was going to be the battle of a lifetime. But, I couldn't stand the thought of being unhappy anymore.

I started to formulate a plan. I quit my job at the bakery.  I couldn't deal with the pay if I was going to be on my own. I went to a temp service and got a job working in customer service and started quietly to squirrel money away. The days were filled with constant arguing.  I began to separate myself, so far as moving into the second bedroom in the apartment and it became obvious. And, the more time I spent with my new friends, the worse my treatment at home got.  Then the threats started... "I'm going to kill myself if you don't come home right now" was common.  Binge drinking followed by violent outbursts. Some days I'm not sure how the cops didn't get called by the neighbors.  

Finally, after a phone call of "I forbid you to be friends with these people. These are not the kind of people we hang out with" it was all I had to hear. I hung up and started to throw everything I could into a bag. I just needed to get out.  Forbidding me from hanging around someone? I don't think so!! I was infuriated.  I used every ounce of that anger as strength. As I packed what I could and loaded up my car, just as I was turning the key, all hell broke loose. Suddenly my car was getting hit and kicked. Screaming ensued. Short of things being thrown at me, the abuse had yet to escalate to real physical contact, but there is no doubt in my mind it would have that evening. Had I been outside, I knew that pounding would have gone to me. I sped away, tires squealing.

I didn't make it far before I broke down completely and had to stop. Tears streamed and I was mentally exhausted. I knew this was far from over and I was already wondering if I was going to regret what I had done. That manipulation started to turn my head screwy. My phone rang non-stop. I knew the odds of my ex showing up at my friend's house was a real possibility and I didn't know how to avoid that.  At this point, I had enough saved for cheap rent and a security deposit, but not much more.  But it wasn't going to happen overnight.  What I was I supposed to do RIGHT NOW? 

I called my friend.  I explained what was happening and the risk of me showing up and what may happen if I do.  She assures me the two strapping men in the house can take care of any problem that shows up on their doorstep.  I am still hesitant.  While she knows the stories I've shared, I haven't shared everything. She doesn't have a clue to what extent this manipulator is capable of pushing things.  I am scared to death.  When I get to her house, I am a wreck. But I am accepted with open arms and ushered inside. I was safe for the time being. 

I used them as my sounding board. What could I say to get out? More importantly, to STAY out?  I had tried hundreds of times in previous years and always got sucked back in. I couldn't just ignore the situation; it wasn't going to go away.  Tom assured me he was there for me and would do whatever he could to protect me.

By this point, Tom and I had become fast friends. He was my rock.  He helped me take the baby steps I knew I needed to take. We spent the next day looking at apartments and I put a deposit down on a tiny little place. I couldn't move in for another 2 days, but it was a completed baby step.  Ok, now on to the next baby step...a new phone. Check. Change email. Check. He kept me safe and comforted.

I started to feel a great sense of freedom, one I hadn't had in a long time. But when I would finish work, I was still always checking behind me in the parking lot. When I'd walk anywhere, I was always looking over my shoulder for the car to come up alongside me. It was a constant worry and I didn't like to be alone.  My ex hadn't yet showed up at their doorstep, but I knew it was coming.  When it finally did, it was disgusting.  The vile things said, the threats, the anger...it was awful.  Pure evil.  Threats that I must be on drugs were made privately to my employer and, years later, I would find out to lots of other people in my original circle of friends.  Since I wasn't there to defend myself, the lies stood uncontested. 

The subsequent months were filled with stress. We still had possessions which needed to be exchanged and at every attempt things would get all riled up again. I struggled and struggled and struggled some more, but finally all ties were broken.  My ex was still boiling in the background, getting angrier, but I stopped engaging it.  I didn't return calls, I stopped caring about the possessions still there, I just quit all contact.  I knew I still keep an eye out, but I was hoping by limiting our contact the boiling would eventually slow to a simmer. Eventually, that's what happened. With no knowledge of where I was living or my cell phone number or my new email, the contact finally stopped. 

I said before Tom is my rock, and it's true.  Without him, I don't even know where I would be today or what my life would be like.  What I do know is that I am crazy strong. I had no idea the strength I had in me, but I do now.  And, as a bonus, I found true love. Ultimate, real, actual fairy tale true love.  Ah....so this is what it's supposed to be like??