Part III - Who *Really* Believes in Love at First Sight?

As young girls, we're brought up to believe whole-heartedly in love at first sight. We see the fairy tales in movies and in books, we hear how our Prince Charming is going to come one day and swoop in to take us away to this place of love and sparkly happy endings. 

But, is there really such a thing? Those women who say, "Oh, I KNEW the instant I first saw him! We were destined to be together!" are they crazy? Delusional? How is it possible to just look at someone and know?

At some point, those of us who have not found "The One" can begin to get a little bitter.  We look at those in happy relationships around us and can't help but compare.  Whether completely alone or in the wrong relationship, it doesn't matter. What matters is everyone around us is happy and we aren't. You begin to question whether you'd be happier alone.  You question the karma of the universe...what in the world you did to deserve this unhappiness?? 

Like most girls, I had "the list"... you know, the list of accomplishments you want in your life? We all have them somewhere, right?  Mine was actually written down in my journal, when I was a senior in high school. Whenever I'd look at that list, I felt like a big fat failure.  I was still fat- even fatter, in fact, I hadn't graduated college, I was in a failed unhappy relationship. I had a crappy job with crappy pay, I was still stuck in this crappy town I didn't want to be in. I was 23, it had been 5 years since I compiled this list and I had accomplished nothing.  By 23, I wanted to be happily married, in an established relationship. I wanted kids SO badly. I was nowhere near any of those goals.

Standing there at the entrance to my friend's house, I told myself- NO EXPECTATIONS. It wasn't worth getting all worked up for. As the door opened, I still had a tingle of excitement. I didn't really know anything about this guy, other than I knew he was interested to meet me. I didn't want to come across as desperate or needy (regardless of my situation, I was never either of those things) or trying too hard.  I just wanted to be me.  I was a fat girl and at this point I was at my highest weight ever. I knew that was a major deal-breaker for a lot of guys.  I was always the "she has such a pretty face"-girl. Those of you who have heard that before know exactly how those words make you feel.

I had never asked for a description of him. I reminded myself that I had no expectations. As my friend welcomed me into the house, I glanced over and saw a guy sitting on the couch across the room with his head down.  As my friend started to introduce me to him, his head shyly raised and he smiled. 

That was it.  I was done.  After that smile, I was never the same.  It was tough to pinpoint the feeling I was having. It was instant electricity. Static. Fuzzy. Warm. Inexplicable. My heart started beating a thousand miles a minute. I couldn't concentrate and could barely hear except for that loud bongo-beating my heart was making. After a nod and a "hi", his head went back down shyly.

Since I had no prior knowledge of his physical appearance, I couldn't stop glancing over at him as my friend and I chatted to see what I could gather from this obviously VERY shy guy. He had dark hair, long enough in the back that he had cute curls poking out from the back of his hat. He had nice broad shoulders. Under his big dorky wire frame/tortoiseshell glasses he had these intense, dark, coffee-colored eyes. He sat there in silence for a long time as we were playing with kittens before he finally got up to grab a kitten too.  He was standing next to me and all I could feel was heat. My friend tried to get him to talk and he was a little resistant, giving just a chuckle or an occasional word. Finally she jabbed him in the side and said she was going to switch the laundry, leaving us alone with the kittens. 

And that, folks, was the beginning.  When she left, I took charge of the conversation and asked direct questions.  I got direct answers.  He looked me in the eye and while I could tell the shy part of his personality was there, there was also a LOT more to this guy.  He cracked a joke and once my friend came back into the room, we were comfortable. 

I picked out my kitten, the cutest fluffiest one in the bunch and said I'd need a few weeks to get things figured out. 

Little did I know, I was going to have a LOT more to figure out in the coming days...