It is amazing that we can live as women for so many years not having a single clue what is really going on in our bodies during our cycles. Health class may teach you the basics, but at that age you have no desire to really pay attention to what is going on...you're far too busy being embarrassed by being an early developer ("Oh no! Is that a hair...THERE?!") as I was at age 9, or you're embarrassed by being a late developer (*pout* "All my other friends already started!") at age 16, or you're grossed out in general by this obnoxious thing that happens/is going to happen to you every month for the foreseeable future until you are OLD. You know, it's not often you see anyone excited for this monthly visitor. We dread it, the cramps, the bloating. The uncontrollable emotions...oh yes, those uncontrollable emotions!!
Since I was a very early developer, I was quite lost at the beginning of my journey to womanhood. Mom wasn't much of a talker about these personal subjects. We just never had that kind of relationship. She was young, had me when she was 20, and if I look at where I was at 5 years ago at age of 29 I'm not 100% sure I would have been the most comfortable talking to my 9 year old about such things either. And I definitely wasn't going to ask my friends...I certainly would have died from humiliation. So, I went about life. I figured this thing was going to come and go every month and I'd live my merry little life. And, it did for about 11 years.
When I was first diagnosed with PCOS, I researched it to death. Everything I could get my hands on, but eventually I stopped. There was only so much happening medically, and I knew what was working to manage mine. When my cycles started to get regular again, I just let it happen and went on with life. I only knew by the approximate time of the month when things might happen, but there were never any clear-cut signs.
Fast forward to the beginning of our journey trying to conceive. When I think about things now, I am amazed at how in-tune you can become with your body. How fascinating the actual ovulation process is. How all of these little things that you never even realized, are happening.
After enough tracking, you start to overanalyze every little thing...every twinge, every headache, each different type of cervical fluid, every cramp...we walk around feeling our boobs looking for soreness, even at work. We are SURE this is it this time! I'm breaking out...this is GOT to be it! Ooh, I have a metallic taste in my mouth...I HAVE to be pregnant! Backache...pregnant. Bloated...pregnant. Constipated? Pregnant! Diarreah! Pregnant! Heartburn!! Pregnant! Irritable! Pregnant! Nausea!!!! PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!
Many women have spent time tracking just like I have, putting their cha-ching into the symptom jar each month for every twitch and ache. Filling our charts with symptoms until it looks like a rainbow threw up. Yet, again and again, we are faced with disappointment. Dang, that chart looked SO good! Look at all those symptoms! Ok, so if they weren't real symptoms, what exactly were they? Backache? Maybe I just slept wrong. Bloated? Too much salt. Constipated? Too much cheese. Diarreah? Too little cheese? Heartburn? Oh yeah, I get that plenty the other two weeks of the month too. Nausea? The female brain is one powerful bitch...we can manufacture the craziest of things.
But rest assured ladies, that chart may not need to be so full and colorful afterall. In the recent days, weeks and months, I've had quite a few friends both online and in real life who have found out they are pregnant. A large percentage of them had or have very few symptoms at all. One would think this would calm my need to go symptom searching. But that doesn't mean I didn't check to see if my boobs were sore 3 different times while typing this post. I've gotten quite good at not making it obvious.
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