No matter your beliefs, sometimes things so unexpected happen in life and chalking them up to pure coincidence or chance just isn't possible. Though brought up as a Catholic, I cannot remember the last time I stepped foot in a church. While I had faith of some sort, I was unsure of what I had faith in. Why was I being put through the things I had been through? Beyond my current relationship, I had dealt with other significant hardships in my younger years which had scarred me badly. As a resilient and generally optimistic human being, I was able to push those things aside and function in life. But it didn't mean I was anywhere near happy.
When you're moving along a path in life and suddenly you are faced with that fork in the road, you know that no matter the choice, it's going to impact your life significantly. Sometimes these choices are easy to make, but more often they are not.
When you're moving along a path in life and suddenly you are faced with that fork in the road, you know that no matter the choice, it's going to impact your life significantly. Sometimes these choices are easy to make, but more often they are not.
After leaving my friend's home that night, I faced the dreaded interaction at home. The badgering "Where were you?" "Who were you with?" "What happened?” The spiteful anger. The "I don't think I like you hanging around those people" comments. The thrown dishes, the slammed door. The guilt-ridden sad aftermath of tears. I was scared to death, but chose not to lie. I met my friend, a friend of hers, and picked out a kitten. Simple as that. When I got flak for bringing a kitten into the apartment, I mentioned I had a few weeks to think about it since they were too young to be re-homed yet.
The next evening, home alone, I got a phone call. Seeing my friend's phone number on the caller ID was a relief. In fact, any phone call that didn't come from the "dreaded cell phone" was a welcome one.
Expecting to hear my work friend on the other end, I answered "Hi Amanda!” the response took a moment and I hear a quiet shy voice on the other end stammer "Hi, uh, actually this is Tom. You know, Amanda's friend, Tom?" My shock was apparent. I couldn't get words out. I finally said, "Oh! Hi! Wow, I, uh, totally thought it was going to be Amanda." My mind was racing. A pure mixture of adrenaline, panic, terror and excitement welled up in me. He said, "Well, I'm calling because...uh...I was hoping you might let me take you out to dinner." More stunned silence on my end. I was processing, but not quickly enough. Did I want this? REALLY want it? What if he turns out to be a freak, weirdo or another abusive jerk? At work earlier, my friend had tried to feel me out for a reaction to Tom, but I kept it vague. I said he seemed nice. In truth, I hadn't been able to stop thinking about him. Those eyes. That smile...While I knew there had been a connection between us, I honestly never really expected it to come to this. I was not a cheater, never would be, so I knew if I accepted this offer I needed to make plans and work quickly to get my life in order.
After my long pause, Tom said, "It's ok, I know what you have going on and I totally respect it. If you want to wait, it's ok. I'll be here when you're ready". I told him I needed to get some things in order, but I'd get a hold of him when I could.
Was this the kick in the pants I needed to finally be happy? To get myself out of the black hole I had been sucked into? My struggles had shaped me, my personality. Made me what I was then, and what I am today. After that phone call, I vowed to start living in the present. I had no idea just how I was going to do it, but I knew I had to.
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